Jimi Van Whalen in Financial Trouble?

TMZ has reported on a rumour that Jimi Van Whalen of Hair Metal Radio may be facing financial difficulties. As evidenced by a recent Tweet from Van Whalen, he has recently started working mornings at Home Depot. Further rumors indicate that Van Whalen may have worked in the Power Tools department on Monday. Thought I'd send you all a selfie

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HMR Forced to Close “HairBook” Social Media Network

It was a simple idea with a simple premise – The Facebook of Hair. Now, after posting 13bn dollars worth of net losses, Hair Metal Radio has been forced to close their own personal social media network, HairBook. “I really thought it was gonna work,” said HMR bassist Jizzy Straddlin via Skype from his family’s rural trailer home. “After multiple

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Axl Sinatra Wins “ER Patient of the Year” for 3rd Consecutive Year

Boasting a number of concussions that would shock even an NFL widow, Axl Sinatra was once again voted “ER Patient of the Year.” According to Sinatra, he was nominated for the award by “Whatever Hospital” in “Whatever city this is.” He then asked what day it was and walked into a neighborhood Denny’s where he ordered his meal using only Bon

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HMR Snubbed at Hair Metal Awards

In what is quickly becoming a national pastime, Hair Metal Radio was once again snubbed by the music industry, this time by not being nominated for a single award at the first annual Hair Metal Awards in Las Vegas, NV. Despite being obvious contenders for the “Best Use of Anti-Aging Cream” and “Most Obvious Wigs” awards, HMR were completely ignored

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Jizzy Stradlin’ Leaves HMR for Creed Cover Band!

This just in… After seeing the Craigslist ad below, HMR bassist Jizzy Stradlin’ immediately left HMR to audition. He is presumed to be currently hitchhiking to Denver, CO. If his soul patch doesn’t completely grow in by the time of his audition, he may return to HMR. Serious Bassist Needed for Creed/Nickelback Cover Band (Denver) GOD BLESS We are a

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HMR Bassist in Space!

This just in from HMR HQ… Bassist Jizzy Straddlin will be the first ever rock “musician” to play a bass solo while strapped to a rocket that is traveling into space. Jizzy trained for this bass solo with NASA, because that makes sense. After hearing nothing but bass solos for sometimes up to 12 minutes per day, NASA told Jizzy

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