Hair Metal Two-fer Monday!
Hey all! It’s ya boy Jizzy Straddlin’ (aka J-Strads, aka Jizz Bomb, aka J-Sweezy, aka Jesse Straddlin’). I’m back from another sultry trip through rehab to bring you not one but TWO HMR clips on this very normal Hair Metal Monday! Our first clip features a cameo appearance from our favorite roadies in the band Pastel Black. We suspected them of stealing ham from
Continue ReadingHair Metal Mondays!
Hair Metal fans, break out your hair, your metal, and your fans and get ready for Hair Metal Mondays! Every Monday that we’re awake and sober enough to use a computer we’re going to post exclusive, behind-the-scenes buffoonery from the four Ph.D candidates that make up this band. Today’s Hair Metal Monday brings us yours truly, Jesse Straddlin’, looking just
Continue ReadingHMR Forced to Close “HairBook” Social Media Network
It was a simple idea with a simple premise – The Facebook of Hair. Now, after posting 13bn dollars worth of net losses, Hair Metal Radio has been forced to close their own personal social media network, HairBook. “I really thought it was gonna work,” said HMR bassist Jizzy Straddlin via Skype from his family’s rural trailer home. “After multiple
Continue ReadingAxl Sinatra Wins “ER Patient of the Year” for 3rd Consecutive Year
Boasting a number of concussions that would shock even an NFL widow, Axl Sinatra was once again voted “ER Patient of the Year.” According to Sinatra, he was nominated for the award by “Whatever Hospital” in “Whatever city this is.” He then asked what day it was and walked into a neighborhood Denny’s where he ordered his meal using only Bon
Continue ReadingHMR Snubbed at Hair Metal Awards
In what is quickly becoming a national pastime, Hair Metal Radio was once again snubbed by the music industry, this time by not being nominated for a single award at the first annual Hair Metal Awards in Las Vegas, NV. Despite being obvious contenders for the “Best Use of Anti-Aging Cream” and “Most Obvious Wigs” awards, HMR were completely ignored
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