Hair Metal Two-fer Monday!
Hey all! It’s ya boy Jizzy Straddlin’ (aka J-Strads, aka Jizz Bomb, aka J-Sweezy, aka Jesse Straddlin’). I’m back from another sultry trip through rehab to bring you not one but TWO HMR clips on this very normal Hair Metal Monday! Our first clip features a cameo appearance from our favorite roadies in the band Pastel Black. We suspected them of stealing ham from
Continue ReadingHair Metal Bowling Alley
Hello Hair Metal Radio fans, Bert Loder here filling in for Jizzy Straddlin who is currently getting fat pumped out of his butt and into his jowels. This week’s asinine “Hair Metal Monday” brings us back to 1989 with the members of the band experiencing some dramatically sudden hair loss, getting stuck to industrial equipment, and demonstrating their sheer inability
Continue ReadingHair Metal Mondays!
Hair Metal fans, break out your hair, your metal, and your fans and get ready for Hair Metal Mondays! Every Monday that we’re awake and sober enough to use a computer we’re going to post exclusive, behind-the-scenes buffoonery from the four Ph.D candidates that make up this band. Today’s Hair Metal Monday brings us yours truly, Jesse Straddlin’, looking just
Continue ReadingHMR BREAKING NEWS!
Bassist Jizzy Straddlin’ was hospitalized late last night after suffering complete tongue paralysis due to overuse of the word fuck. Dr. Peter “Scrote” Johnson, an otolaryngologist at the prestigious Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN said, “I’ve never seen a tongue as twisted as Jizzy’s. His mouth looks like it was used as a lethal weapon, both cunningly and lingually.” The doctor
Continue ReadingHMR Interviews: Nikki Stix
Hello HMR fans old and new! Bert Loder here with another Hair Metal Radio EXCLUSIVE interview! The delay for this posting was due to the fact that I had to hike the barren Canadian tundra to reach the wintery home of Hair Metal Radio drummer Nikki Stix all the way up in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Although there are several airports within
Continue ReadingThe Emperor’s New Axe
Bert Loder here with an HMR News update – Earlier today Hair Metal Radio guitarist Jimi Van Whalen put up on Craiglist perhaps one of his most famous guitars. A link to the Craigslist post follows: https://chambana.craigslist.org/msg/5518562661.html And because we at HMR News anticipate the listing will be removed once Jimi comes to his senses, a screenshot of the listing
Continue ReadingHMR Interviews: Jizzy Straddlin’
Bert Loder here for HMR News. I recently interviewed none other than defamed Hair Metal Radio bassist Jizzy Straddlin’ from the comfort of his family’s shared mobile home trailer. Before we begin, I must make an editorial note… When I arrived, Jizzy asked me if he could take a shower as I interviewed him. Because the bathroom in his family’s trailer
Continue ReadingWatch as a Young Jizzy Straddlin’ Attempts to Launch an Acting Career!
Jizzy Straddlin' — Computer Support Specialist Here's a video acquired by TMZ of a young Jizzy Straddlin' (of rock supergroup Hair Metal Radio) attempting to launch a career as an actor. In this scene, Jizzy is portraying a young computer support specialist. Jizzy's acting talents are clearly evident, as Jizzy can neither type nor maintain any semblance of social etiquette.
Continue ReadingJimi Van Whalen in Financial Trouble?
TMZ has reported on a rumour that Jimi Van Whalen of Hair Metal Radio may be facing financial difficulties. As evidenced by a recent Tweet from Van Whalen, he has recently started working mornings at Home Depot. Further rumors indicate that Van Whalen may have worked in the Power Tools department on Monday. Thought I'd send you all a selfie
Continue ReadingHMR Forced to Close “HairBook” Social Media Network
It was a simple idea with a simple premise – The Facebook of Hair. Now, after posting 13bn dollars worth of net losses, Hair Metal Radio has been forced to close their own personal social media network, HairBook. “I really thought it was gonna work,” said HMR bassist Jizzy Straddlin via Skype from his family’s rural trailer home. “After multiple
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