Over the years we’ve had some really killer and some really tone deaf opening acts. We want to thank them all for their effort, but mostly for carrying our gear in for us and getting the crowd warmed up while we teased our hair up with 14 cans of Aqua Net. Each.

A sincere HMR thank you to the following opening acts for drowning out the sound of the TouchTunes Jukeboxes in the bars we play at:

Moe Miller and the Moose Knuckles
One for Pickin’ and One for Lickin’
Pastel Block
Passion Pie
Talk to My Ass
The Atomic Drunks
Mantis Mantits
Sammy Lee Cherone
Booger Chain
Vomitaco
Urination Altercation
Jizzstorm (Jizzy Straddlin’s Halestorm cover band…)
Fant Ass Tick
Welcome Back to the Jungle
Fart Flamethrower
Limp Bizkit
Flesh it Out
The Chevy Chase and Markie Post Riot Grrrl Tribute
99 Bottles of Beer on the Balls
Hang Down
Mulletpalooza
DD Top
Neil Yung
The Karl Sather Experience
Black Ass Fault
Slick Nutz
Tonguin’ Groove
Lube the Rubicks Cube
Puff the Magic Drag Queen
Good Brains
Pistol Black
Stain the Blue Dress
Elephantigo
Carlie and the Caveman Cannibals
The Cliterati
tacOcat and the Palindromes
The Democratic Keg Party
Citizen Meow and the Windy City Kitty Committee
Tig and the Ol’ Bitties
ABBACADABBA
From the Ass
Disproving Inaccurate Common Knowledge Succinctly While Evaluating Another Theory (aka D.I.C.K.S.W.E.A.T)
Robert Cheese
Thor Monger
Red Rocketship
The Bluegrass Stylings of Billy, Bobby, and Biff Bonerjamerin
No Fat Hicks
Thighway to Hell
Icicle Scrote
Toddler Mosh Pit
I Scream Sunday
Furburger
Patel Black
Scrotum Metzinger and his Accordion of Justice
Tammy.
The Band Formerly Known as That Band
FARTHAMMER!!!
Lep Deffard
Blow Dart Mozart
cR@wL1ng h0m3 (it’s “Crawling Home” but they spell their band name like a login password)
Bean Bag Full of Ticks
Slightly Less Mega Death
Pastel Blatt
Arctic Panty Raid
Micky Ninaj
Crap Crisis
Diana feat. the Heavy Metal Day Care
Edgar Summer
William Hung
Dick Leave
Retroactive Spay
Thlayer (Mike Tysons favorite metal band)
Fish Farnam and the Five
Rubydinkles
Dude Lebanonski and the Nihilist Border Patrols
Fat Cream
Flapjack, Crack, and Sack (three piece Stevie Ray Vaughn cover band)
Aurora Boringasstits
Sensual Sensual Sandwich
Foamageddon
Ripsy Repose and the Mausoleum Marauders
Cannibal Dorps
Doctor.
Frank Lloyd Wrong and the Farketects
Wisdom Tits
Encephalopathic Enema
Sleeve Martin and the Wizards of Bluegrass
The Baby Ruth Pool Closure
Acoustic Dog Fuss
Moss Ass
Warden Willy Worry
Flacklehackle
Digaduggadoogalus and the Rectumless Boys
U No 19 (a barely legal, all-girl band – a Simon Cowell original)
Sippy Tie on the Runny Kine
Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright (Outkast cover band but they only play the song “Hey Ya!”)
No Man’s Gland
Glad It’s Night and the Pimps
Wunderfoosflhoffer (Rammstein cover band)
Aerojohnson
A fifth of (Uncle) Jack
Wikipediophile
Asteroid Pornography
Astrid and the Commonly Misspelled
Ashley Madison and the Barely Maintained Mudpits
Dick Sweat (R. Kelly cover band, not the same band as above)